It has been a day since you left. I met an amazing girl from Vienna. You were my waitress, and you were the first thing I noticed at this wedding. As we partied the night away. I've always had my eyes on you. Never taking them away. As I slowly consumed all the alcohol that my body could take, I consumed enough courage to ask you for your number. To my surprise you gave it to me. I ended the night too inebriated to remember, but the only thing I remembered was your glasses and that perfect smile. From that moment I was hooked. I never waited the three day rule...by frankly I couldn't I only had 2 more days. I texted you that night.
I woke up hungover and groggily, and not to my surprise, no text. Figuring the number you gave was a fake. I went to brunch. Extremely hungover and eating my eggs I got what I was waiting for. Your text buzzed so hard I was startled. We started talking and I asked you out. You said yes. We were going to meet for Filipino food at Hotel am Brillantengrund. As we had dinner you told me about your passion, I told you I had the same. We talked about so many things. I introduced you to my hero Mr. Bourdain and the joys of travel. We walked talked and enjoyed the local district you lived in. We were supposed to meet Steffy at 10, but we loss track of time due to talking. We didn't meet them til 12. :P We went out for a few more drinks and said our goodbyes. Not thinking we would see each other again for an entire day the next. But we did.
You took me to one of your favorite markets because thats what you love. Seafood was on the agenda. We got a major seafood platter with the works. And you had scallops, real scallops for the first time. You were amazed. I showed you flavor combinations such as adding acid to dishes to make them pop. You smiled, that God damn infectious smile. It was stunning and breathtaking at the same time. You do the most inappropriate thing when you love a plate. You pick it up and lick it. I loved it. It was so you and you gave it so much character. After lunch you showed me around town. Taking me to your favorite spots and walking the city, just never stopping never thinking of anything, not having any direction. From market to market, story to story. I was learning you lived an amazing life. From bartering in Peru, to living in Cuba for a month like a commoner. Couch surfing was your thing. Your free-spirit and soul. I started falling like a star for you. I thought this is it. I found the one. As our night was concluding, I thought I never see you again, having it so abrupt, I thought something was budding. I was on a flight to Croatia, never thinking I see you again.
As I was in Croatia doing my Croatian things. I received a text from you. You booked a flight to NYC. You were going to be staying with me for 2 weeks. I quickly obliged and offered to house you. There was no way I say no to you anyway. The next week and a half was grueling, I couldn't wait to see you again.
September 17, you arrived and we had our first meal in our town. Hotpot. I knew you liked it but not for me. I was quickly learning you love your veggies. You are definitely not a meat eater. And soon enough I was becoming to know your likes and dislikes. We were together for two whole weeks. I took you to places you've never been and you did the same for me. You took me to Manhattan, I took you to Brooklyn. We were two peas in a pod. You introduced me to your friends and I introduced you to mine. I was living a dream. And every night that I could. I hugged you and kissed you. Everything was a happy dream that was about to come crashing down.
It was the last full day in Brooklyn. I was going to take you to as many places as possible. I was going to ask you your favorite places and things. I was going to ask you about us. When I did, I didn't think I was going to hear what I was going to hear. It wasn't going to workout. There was never anything between us. This was just it. My heart grew weary, devastated again. I sat there eating my biscuits and gravy. I had tried to give you everything. And I did. Did I do something wrong? Where did I mess up? You said I didn't, you said I was perfect. I didn't do anything wrong. It just wasn't there. My heart sank to my stomach. It has been almost 10 years since I've felt this way. Since Bjonda. I've been guarded and jaded. I only really go for the random hookups and the Tinder/Bumble lifestyle. Because I knew I couldn't be hurt or broken that way.
I never will blame her. This was my own doing. Did she lead me on. Probably not, this was just her demeanor. Friendly, warm, and bubbly. She is who she is. And what it is it is.
The last day with her, I couldn't breathe or be around her. Still reeling from the devastation, but I trucked on making sure to make her last few hours here amazing as I could. After all, what kind of host would I be? As I dropped her off at her stop so she could take the train to the airport I gave her one last kiss and a hug and saw her off. I cried on the subway back home, not caring who saw. I was officially a New Yorker.
I don't know if I'll ever see her again, or even talk to her again. Extremely selfish on my end. I know. But for one brief moment in my life, I was extremely happy. I don't think I could ever turn my feelings off for her, I don't even know if I could ever talk to her again. But I hope she knows a part of her soul is with me. And I hope a part of mine is with her.
To the girl I met in Vienna. I will always love you.
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