I Cracked, Fuck

Well it has come to this. Literally I cracked yesterday. I know I wasn't supposed to see her. But I did. This is her city. I'm just visiting, but the best part it all seemed like old times we literally picked up where we left off. But things are different now. I can't change that, the only thing I can do is walk away.  We talked about it and we discussed it. I say I write is somewhere and save it, and here it is. 5 years?  Will I see her in 5 years?  At that point I'll be 42, she'll be 29/30 depending on when. But the real question, will I crack sooner?  The second question, Can I turn a no into a yes? Who knows, a piece of me says yes, but why?  Arrogance? Confidence? Or just plain stupidity?  Sometimes you need all three.  

Today is my last day in Austria, and for the entire two weeks that I've been here, yesterday was the best day of all of them.  Why do you make everything better?  So so so much better. 

Getting Better, No?

Feeling any better?  No, I'm not.  Is it getting better, of course.  As always, time heals all wounds.  Just fucking sucks right now.  I can and will say this.  Losing a best friend really really sucks, losing someone you loved.  Even fucking worst.  However here I am in Vienna, and just getting my bearings straight.  

You know, typing while you're drunk/high is supposed to show your true feelings.  My true feelings is that I need to move on, and to be even more truthful.  I'm cool with it.  She was amazing, kind and sweet, but it just doesn't work sometimes, but I can't stop my life.  Lets stop pretending what could have been, and see what it is.  I'm gonna try to enjoy the rest of this trip, and live my best life.  I'll make friends from here on out, but at the end of the day, Vienna reminds me of you.  But that's just life and how it goes.